Alone but not lonely

If you cannot enjoy being alone, there is no way being with others can fill any void you may have in your life - Terry Mante

GREEK philosopher Aristotle is widely known to have said that, “Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.” Human beings are designed to enjoy the company of one another and that it is unsound for a person to exist and not enjoy the company of people.

The natural and instinctive attribute is reinforced by contemporary pro-social technology that enables us to connect with other even when we are alone. We are able to talk with them on phone, chat via instant messaging apps, connect over social media or send emails.

As fulfilling as this is, it has the likelihood to make us impressionistic and codependent. We want to put out socially desirable behavior so that we would be accepted. When you don’t feel accepted in the midst of people, loneliness can run through your veins. The quest to cure loneliness increases out desire to be with and interact with other people.

There are people who rarely want to be alone. This is because they thrive on the energy and affirmation that come through connecting with others. The irony with people who thrive on external affirmations is that they are usually the ones who feel lonely. That is because loneliness can happen even when you are in a crowd. It does not take a crowd to avoid or overcome loneliness. It takes a sense of completeness to really feel cheerful when you are with others.

It is possible to be alone and not feel lonely. If you cannot enjoy being alone, there is no way being with others can fill any void you may have when you have low self-esteem. As interconnected as the world has become, it is imperative that you learn to carve tine for yourself from time to time.

The moment you learn to enjoy being with yourself, you will be able to engage more meaningfully with others.

When you are with yourself, you are able to be yourself. There is no one to impress but you. You can think whatever you want to think about, you can do almost anything you want to do; you can really be you. The fact that being your real self and having no one but yourself to impress gives you satisfaction in a way that no size of crowd can give you.

Being alone unleashes your creativity. It enables you to explore and do some crazy stuff you ordinarily wouldn’t do in public; because you wouldn’t want to be ridiculed. Have you realized that some people sing their favorite tunes when they are in the shower? It’s usually because over there, no one will criticize them, even if they sing in discord.

Being alone helps you to focus on issues that have become a thorn in your flesh. You are able to think through those issues and generate array of solutions that could be pursued. Imagine being able to weave through and figure out a long-standing challenge just by sitting down or lying down and thinking about it. Great, huh?

When you spend time with yourself, you get to know yourself better. You see your weaknesses, your strengths, passions and abilities more clearly. This discovery helps you to gain self-confidence and even improve your relationships.

When you make the time you spend with yourself productive, you become more authentic, cheerful and confident. This reduces the tendency to need to impress others. It makes you deal more sincerely with others.

People who do not feel comfortable being alone cannot realize optimum benefits that could be derived from engaging with others. If you don’t enjoy your own company, you can be sure that no one will enjoy hanging out with you.

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About the author

Terry Mante is a business development and management consultant who has worked on market research, strategy, branding, corporate training, capacity-building as well as PR and communications projects for clients in diverse fields. He is an incisive and inspiring author, personal development coach, moderator of focus group discussions and conference/workshop resource person.

Covid-19 Lessons: Opportunity in the midst of calamity

There is nothing in this world which is absolutely negative or completely positive.

THE outbreak of the COVID-19 virus has occupied the front pages of every major news outlet. It has dominated briefings of many heads of states and governments. It has completely altered how we interact with one another and how we conduct our affairs. Cities are on lockdown. Countries have closed borders. Large gatherings are being discouraged. Schools have been shut down. Worship services are on hold. Political leaders and other people of influence have not been spared from the scourge of the virus. No one has been spared.

As this pandemic disrupts our lives, it is reasonable for each one of us to be concerned. However, in being concerned, we must not overly fret but adhere to the precautions recommended by the World Health Organization and other public health experts.

On Monday March 16, 2020, Ghana’s President Akufo-Addo put forward a paradigm when he met key leaders of the pharmaceutical industry and financial sector in Ghana. For him, the global pandemic gives us an opportunity to develop a strong and self-reliant pharmaceutical industry. In the words of the President, the agenda for that meeting was, “for all of us to put our brains, minds and hearts together to see the way forward for the future of our country.”

Due to the global nature of the COVID-19 viral pandemic and the challenge that even the most advanced nations face in battling it, it has become imperative for Ghana to have the capacity to deal with it, without the expectation of substantial donor support.

The President’s meeting with these industry leaders was to explore immediate ways to build the capacity of local businesses to produce kits needed to help manage the outbreak of the disease in the country. For me, that is a clear silver lining in the midst of this serious crisis. It has brought to the fore the imperative to invest more rigorously in the productive capacity of local industries, something we have always known as a country but have not tackled with the urgency it deserves. So in the midst of the crisis, it seems there is a determination to make a significant intervention in that regard.

Due to public health experts’ recommendation for social distancing to help curb the spread of the virus, faith groups and businesses are now being forced to make digital platforms the pivotal channel for service delivery. Organizations that already had digital infrastructure in place are maximizing these platforms while others are racing to catch up.

As individuals, organizations and countries, our response in these uncertain times will determine how we emerge when the crisis subsides. As devastating as it is, let us consciously be on the lookout for bright spots. While we carefully assess the negative impacts of this outbreak, let’s look for opportunities.

While in isolation, is there a skill you can learn online? Is there a book you can read? This could be the time to write that book or write that business plan. Those compelled to work from home may begin to think about how they can improve their work ethic. 

This is the time to put on your A-game. It’s time to think and think radically. It’s time to dream about an innovative new product. There is nothing in this world which is absolutely negative or completely positive. In this particular situation, the negatives are obvious and glaring. Make the effort to see the positives.

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About the author

Terry Mante is a business development and management consultant who has worked on market research, strategy, branding, corporate training, capacity-building as well as PR and communications projects for clients in diverse fields. He is an incisive and inspiring author, personal development coach, moderator of focus group discussions and conference/workshop resource person.

30 GREAT BOOKS I HAVE READ... Part 2

Here is the continuation of the list of thirty great books I have read in thirty years. It's part of a compilation I have done as I mark my 30th birthday. For the preceding list, click here

13. The Tipping Point: Malcolm Gladwell’s bestseller has helped me to understand that it’s not enough to have a great idea but I must be able to share it with people who could make the idea work. I must also learn to share ideas in ways that people can remember.

14. The Magic of Thinking Big: I read this book when I completed high school. The key lesson I picked from this book by David Schwartz was that I should never limit my thinking. I learnt from Schwartz that if I believe that something is possible, my mind goes to work to find ways by which I can make it work. On the other hand, when I believe that something is not possible, my mind shuts down on all possibilities. I have practiced and seen how true this is.

15. Be a People Person: In his usual simple, sticky and profound style, leadership sage John Maxwell emphasizes that “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” From this book, I built confidence and learned principles that helped improve my relationships remarkably.

16. The Value of the Dot: Mensa Otabil developed this book out of a sermon he delivered in his church several years ago. When the book came out, he described the sermon as the best message he’s ever preached. What I picked from this book was that, it was possible to turn my liabilities into assets. It gave me a new perspective to the biblical parable of the talents.

17. How the Mighty Fall: Jim Collins knows how to write. He knows how to package his ideas in simple, clear concepts. In this book, Collins identify  the factors that precipitate the decline of great companies and brings out the values that guide those companies and leaders who never give in. It’s a book about taming greed and complacency; an intelligent work.

18.  The Greatest: An engaging autobiography of one of Muhammad Ali. Ali is a manifestation of how possibility thinking and positive confession can move one from obscurity to prominence. His optimistic mind gives birth to discipline, hard work and strategy which combine to make him one of the greatest athletes in the world of boxing.

19.  Gifted Hands: Beautifully written narrative of the life and work of Ben Carson. What fascinated me greatly in this work is the role Sonia (his mum) played to make him a self-controlled, studious and optimistic person. The book narrates how Carson grew to become the first person to conduct surgery to separate conjoined twins joined at the head. 

20. Thomas Edison: Janet and Geoff Benge give an account of the life and times of prolific inventor Thomas Edison. Edison is a testimony of how self-identity and self-awareness can transform a boy who is described as addled by his teacher to become a man known as the brain behind many of the inventions that make the world we have run smoothly.

21. God’s Big Idea: This is one of many books by Myles Munroe which talk about how to implement God’s intention on earth. In this book, Myles Munroe eloquently espouses that God wants us to live and find fulfillment on earth, even before we get to heaven.

22. Eat That Frog: This is Brian Tracy’s work on how to effectively manage time. Tracy shares 21 proven principles for making the best use of time. When I finished reading this book, I resolved to always prioritise things that are challenging but important. I should not keep them on the back burner.

23. Unravelling the Secrets to Wealth Creation: Emmanuel Dei-Tumi launched this book the 2003 edition of Eagles Camp at the Ebenezer Presbyterian Church Hall at Osu in Accra. I picked up a copy and it really awakened my consciousness about wealth creation. I see that book as a Ghanaian version of American Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor Dad. It’s a classic guide on how to attain financial freedom.

24. Praying the Right Way: Chris Oyakhilome’s exposition on prayer transformed my understanding about prayer. I like how he emphasized that in Christianity, we don’t pray through Jesus but we pray directly to God the Father in the name of Jesus. Since then, my prayer life has never been the same.

25. Transform Your Pastoral Ministry: This is a book I consider a pastor’s manual. Dag Heward-Mills teaches eloquently on the four pillars of every pastor’s ministry – praying, visiting, teaching and interacting. This is a book that helped me to understand the work of a pastor and some of the dynamics involved in becoming a pastor.

26. Lay People and the Ministry: This is another book by Dag Heward-Mills which really sparked a desire in me to do the work of God. It made me realise that ministerial work is not exclusive to those who wear the clerical garb but a mandate on all believers. I grasped the revelation that I could be God’s instrument wherever I find myself.

27. See You at the Top: In this book, I learnt from legend Zig Ziglar that I cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way I see myself. I also learnt from this book that I can get whatever I want if I help enough other people to get what they want. Another lesson I picked up was in relation to books; that I should never lend or borrow a book. I should buy my own, read it and keep it. You can tell this book made a tremendous impact on my life.

28. The More You Know, the Better it Gets: This is a seminal book by couple authors Albert and Comfort Ocran. The Ocrans, in my estimation are Ghana’s most committed writing team. Their passion to influence Ghana, Africa and the world with knowledge-based products drove them to publish this particular book which seeks to eliminate dinosaurs from the corporate world. The book is a compelling appeal to readers to add value to their lives to avoid getting into redundancy and irrelevance. It offers a roadmap for continuous learning and personal development.

29. The Five Love Languages: Gary Chapman is a good communicator. In this book he eloquently explains that a marriage is likely to be harmonious when couples learn to understand and speak each other’s love language. He outlines the five languages as words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. Needless to say, this is a very useful book for the already married and those aspiring to get married.

30. Cashflow Quadrant: This paradigm-shifting book by Robert Kiyosaki exposes readers to four possible ways of making money – as a(n) employee, self-employed, business owner and investor. He advocates that no matter where one starts from, we should progress to becoming either business owners (who will put in place systems for businesses to run without our direct personal involvement), or investors (where we would invest equity in businesses we may not have been involved in establishing). This way, no matter our personal circumstances, we could have instruments that generate wealth for us.

Terry Mante is a Life Coach and Motivational Speaker.